Queen of Solitude

Death is inevitable, but it is not her death that made me cry. It was her life, the journey…it was not a trail of flowers but of thorns. Never did she reveal that…may be it is the way she kept her secrets has made her strong. And now after she has fallen everyone reveals the JAYALALITHA they know. But who is she? Only she knows. Born as Kommalavalli, grown as Jayalalitha the world knew nothing about her. The world saw her as a leader, a successful leader, a beautiful actress but that is not all. One entire state is flooded with tears for this woman, they cry out to her calling her “AMMA” , yes as she says she has lived to her saying  “மக்களால் நான் ; மக்களுக்காகவே நான்”.

She really did inspire a lot, for her bravery, for her determination for everything she is made of. And to me personally I wish I could listen to “ஜே ஜெயாலலிதா என்னும் நான்” this in her roaring voice once again. But why am I writing this? This is not a eulogy, a confession may be.  A woman of such stature, such brilliance…has lived a life she didn’t chose. Little do I know about her personal life before her dismissal. She lost her father at the age of 2, mother at the age of 22, her political mentor at the age of 35 and her brother at the age of 45. Solitude chose her, and now they say she wanted to live a life peacefully. Did she? May be no. How cruel can one’s life be? She didn’t have a father to pick her up when she began to walk…she didn’t have her mother to share her heart breaks with…to sleep on her lap when she is tired. She did not have a brother to give shoulder to her troubles neither did she have sister to share her smiles with, or a husband to share her dreams and struggles with, or a son to hold her when she fell ill, or a daughter to stand by her side and to call her as “AMMA”.

It is these things about this mysterious woman made the tears roll down my cheeks. She is strong, she is invincible but to die in a foreign land with none of her kith and kin by her side bothers me. A woman of this bravery may not need anyone, but wouldn’t had she wish she had her mother alive? I wonder. She would have, and that is why she has said “ஒரு தாய்க்கு தான் தெரியும் தன் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு என்ன வேண்டும் என்று” (only a mother knows what her children needs). She has been a successful mother. And now she has gone to be with hers. Women like her come to earth once in a thousand years for the path they walk could not be travelled by fragile souls like us. The Iron Lady is gone…forever. 

Through the bars

   Not often do we expect some of our usual days to turn into heavy hearted ones. It was one such day when I went to my nearest pet shop to buy dog food for my pet. When I came out of the shop there was this little guy all alone inside the cage, with eyes full of expectations and sadness that is hidden deep inside the attractive eyes. His voice was a sharp cry that made me go down to him. I put my finger through the bars for his reach and he licked them. I don't know what he wanted to convey but I understood the deprived feeling of a 45 day old pup who aches for nothing but a mother's love. He looked for love outside the bars where people starred at him for a while and moved on but he looked into every eyes that passed against him with the belief of getting adopted. 

Isn't it mysterious to see how this little creature can love an entirely different being so much that he places them before his self? Dogs are indeed the angels sent by God to make the humans learn how trust actually looks like. Opening our arms to these furry ones and opening our heart to these dolls is a blessing in disguise to get drenched in the love of these species. The love they bestow on us is indeed an act of selfless love that every individual has to experience. They teach a lot of things that we humans fail to understand or has left them behind on the journey towards the 'fast-nothing'. 

 

He would be adopted by someone who is immensely blessed to have him around because he'll give them love that will last a lifetime and even beyond. Dogs and their selfless love will have a greater impact that anything else will ever do. I often wonder if I'm the only one who marvel the love that dogs share with us. May be because I am touched solely by their love, I feel myself blessed to be love by them; to be in love with them. I firmly believe that "Sometimes angles choose fur instead of wings". 

The story of Sita and Ram..!!!

How to start? Where to start? It has been weeks together since I fell in love with their love story and still crawling my way towards reality. The story of Ram and Sita…what a love story it has been. The way they both understood each other and how intensely in love they both were. It was magical as it made me spell bound to even not to think about it. But why am I writing this now? Everyone one knows how dear they were to each other. I am writing this because I am not convinced by the way the story has ended, the way how Ram has abandoned Sita for the sake of his people and how Sita left handing over her sons Lava and Kusa to Ram to rule. No! This is not how a perfect love story could have ended, I wish I could change it but I know I can’t so here I am writing their end in the way I want it to be. 

After all the twist and turns the fate has put before them they overcame all those struggles with the power of their love. Sita accompanied him anywhere without a question, she just wanted to be with him no matter what. To her it doesn’t matter to starve to death or to live to the fullest but to be with him-Ram. If not for him she will not be living any of this. On the other hand Ram never failed to reciprocate the selfless love Sita gave him. He loved her more than anyone in the entire world. They were complete with each other; they were everything they could ever ask for. 

 

        They came to Ayodhya after the killing of Ravan and were all set to rule the Kingdom (this is where my version of Ramayana begins). It was one fine evening when Ram was repeatedly exclaiming his love to Sita; she sat mesmerized into his velvet voice. She then looked into his eyes as he held her face in his hands, she said she is pregnant and Ram could not control the excitement of this news and could not wait to tell his mothers about it. When they all knew it was time for Sita to spend her maternity period at her father’s. But she said “Being with Ram gives me happiness that cannot be contemplated by anyone else and I want to spend my maternity days with him, under the warmth of his love and embrace”.

           

        Everyone remained awestruck to accept the fact how hard it was for them to live without each other even for a minute. But Ram was informed about the discontent and questions targeted on Sita among the populace. Ram fought through the whole situation himself and decided to abandon the Kingdom by leaving the throne to Bharat-his younger brother. He did not want the people to abuse his family; he hardly felt the necessity of justifying Sita’s virtue to them for he knows who she really is. All he wanted was to give her everything she deserves and doesn’t want Sita to know all this. He didn’t sleep properly that night and it was when he realized the real complications of the issue for he knows that his brothers will not take up the throne. Their brotherhood was so delicate that he could not break their hearts, yet he cannot imagine losing Sita at the price of the people who hardly knows the sacrifice she has done for him. 

        As the Sun rose for a new day Ram has made up his mind for a new beginning. Instead of discussing he ordered his brothers to take up the throne and has said that he has decided to leave the kingdom for some time and it is their duty to take care of the throne after him. He didn’t even bother asking Sita to leave the Kingdom for he knows she will not even ask ‘Where’ when he takes her with him. She trusted him with her life. She was happy to spend her time with Ram; no matter where he has decided to take her she was happy about it. 

 

        They left Ayodhya and reached a place where people are not aware of their identity. He served a sage while Sita took care of the households. Though the sage was aware of who they were he never revealed it, he felt blessed to have them around his place no matter what the reason is. It was their happy place, she could not ask for a better maternity time. After a long time Ram felt relieved about all his decisions. After 9 months Sita gave birth to adorable twins and they named them lava and Kusa. Once they turned 6 Ram and Sita decided to send them to Rishi Valmiki’s hermitage. It was there they both learned about the life of Ram and Sita and was unaware they were the children of Ram and Sita. They both were fluent in dictating the life of Ram and Sita and hence were taken to Ayodhya to spread the story. It was there Lakshman, Bharat and Chatrukan grew suspicious of the irresistible serenity in their eyes, they were sure about the resemblance the twins had. 

 

        On enquiring they came to know about their parents and wanted to visit them and in the mean time the people of Ayodhya realized their fault and were desperate for Ram’s reign. When the brothers met Ram and Sita they were happy together. It was magical to see them both responding to each other like a magnet, there was no way Ram could live without Sita. They both together made them alive and without any one the other will be lifeless. Lakshman and his brothers requested their brother and Sita to come and rule the Kingdom again clarifying that the people of Ayodhya has realized their mistake and want him to rule them over. But Ram said he is content in living his life with Sita and now he has his brothers to take good care of their sons. He said “Lakshman, Bharat, Chatrukan you all are great rulers and it is of no question to know that the people are prosperous in your kingdom. But for me I am done being a ruler and now I handle over to you the greatest blessing of our lives Lava and Kusa, it is your responsibility to preach them well . We both have decided to leave this town and we are happy this way”.

        They both were really happy that way, he never abandoned her, what she would have become if he has abandoned her? Is there a possibility for Sita to live without him? They covered their identity and lived happily ever after while the brothers waited for Lava and Kusa to attain the age to take up the throne and even they followed their brother to eternity. The love they both had for each other fought destiny and has faced all the possible odds. It is humanly impossible to describe the amount of love they had for each other, I have no idea what they both have done to me but I am glad that I happened to read their story. Ram is often praised for being a great ruler but it is a notable fact that he was also a passionate lover and only he knows how much Sita meant to him.

 

Soul sister who never understood my soul..

Friendship a greatest possession possessed by every person . It happened even in my life.
Though i had a lot of friends i have never had a "soul sister" . But i had never felt sad for
that. Coz i always had a belief that I am gonna get someone who is worth it. It happend.
It was in 11th std i met u. When we first met I knew we are going to be great friends
but never thought you would conquire the place as my soul sister.Things we shared , things
we spoke , the time we spent together could never be explained in words.

As every relationship has it's own break our friendship went through a tough time. Yes ,
you left me. You stabbed me from back. You betrayed me. How could you ever do this to me?
This made me thought you never really loved me. You said we would be friends forever.But
I never thought your "forever" was that short. When everyone were bitching about me I
thought you would atleast try to stop them but you were a part of it. What did i ever do
to you? Loving you to the core was the only crime I did.


 I knew you are a strong person but never thought you'd be this strong enough to break me
into pieces. But know what all these shattered pieces have your memories carved deeper. I
had always meant what I told you. I don't know whether you remember that or not.
I have always said and I mean't it "No one could ever replace your place both in my heart
and life". May be thats why after you left me I could never be friends with anyone.





You made me fear that every one 'll betray me as you did. You even knew that you were
my only bestie.Though I had a lot of friends, You always occupied a very special place.
But you were carefree. You seemed more happy than you were with me. What does it mean?
You never really loved me my soul sister. It was me who was fooled .
  You seemed more occupied by your friends. You mean the world to them and so do they ,to
you?! But you failed to realize that someone had a lot of love for you, who thought you were
their world and felt their life is complete to have such a sweet soul sister. Do you even
realize the term "soul sister" ? You would have not . Coz you don't even know the meaning
of "besties" So where would you realize the meaning of "Soul sisters".

  When I thought It was all over and I learned to live my life without a friend, you want
me back. I will tell you what . What I felt without you was emptiness and what you feel
without me is lonliness. What is the gaurentee that you'll not betray me again? How do
you expect me to accept you back? You just broke me , you weren't there for me to fix
it. When I am all set you want me. For what? Do break me again? I am sorry I think
I am not up for it.


   This doesn't mean I  hate you. I could never do that. It is just I don't want to get
hurt again. You can be proud for one thing as you were the one to teach me the pain of
betrayal . And still no one could replace the place in my heart you had before
 ...neither you could.
 
" We said it was forever - said we'd never part,
I knew it was a line, but I still gave  you my heart.

Said you would stay, promised you could,
You chose to walk away, I knew you would.

You’re not there anymore, my dearest friend,
I hate to say this, but it is our end.

By day you’re one person, by night another,
Neither of them have anything to do with each other.

I sit here and cry for you - not for me,
What you've become, I wish you could see.

In your life you make friends that you're sure are true,
Nothing else matters, except what's between them and you.

You don't know if anyone has ever before felt this way,
For them you took breaths, you wanted to be alive everyday.

It hurts to loose a friend, it gives you the saddest frown,
And when a second one bails, it's like getting kicked while
you're down.

And it hurts to be accused of something you didn't do,
You  should know better than anyone, that I would never even think to.

You planted a knife in my back,
You were my life, but now, my memories of you are completely black.

I am afraid to love another, but I know I shouldn't be,
Because the people in my life, are perfect for me.

There is this game I play,
Where I close my eyes and fade away.

I can't believe it's true,
but in this place, I can't even remember that I trusted you.

You can't fix something that's already done."