From One D to BTS

I believe I was 18 when I realized that the obsession I have towards a particular band was called "fangirling", I have never been bothered about "labels" but saying out loud that I love them felt liberating. I am not sure if i could ever put it into words on how they made me feel. I use to be a very private person, meaning I don't enjoy being around people unless the situation demands for it, in my solitude- they were my companions, they were my dream boys and they put a standard for everything around me. But I don't think I can ever write about them without tearing up, for I remember the number of days and nights I woke up and went to bed by just listening to their voice. They were my painkillers! I was entirely heart broken when Zayn announced that he will be quitting the band despite of him being my most favorite, I cannot stand to watch them fall apart. And how as soon as they broke up, 4 AM came live and "History" makes more sense to the ones in this fandom than anyone else. I remember having it on my loop for months straight and crying my eyes out every time it played "You and Me, we got a whole lot of history! So don't let it go"! And a soon as they broke up I literally stopped fan Girling for years! If you have never been obsessed with anything, you can never relate to this blog! For me, personally - I don't do "Love" , I do "Obsession" - my sickness, you could say! 

And that is one of the main reasons why I can't multitask, whether it is an activity or relationships or music bands in this case. Even before One D, I have been and still a proud Swiftie but TS is someone I can always relate to and One D is something that makes me smile whenever I bawl like a baby! So after they broke up, I didn't have a point of obsession for quite some time until this boy band happened. I had no idea that they existed until the 2020 Grammy's, their screen time was less than their song duration but they never failed to made the impression they intended to. I then started listening to their songs, more than the songs it was their bond and the way they express themselves that made me start to obsess over them. 

It was very recently that I got the chance to learn about their journey and I don't think I ever wanted to support or be loyal to some music band ever in my whole life. "They deserve the universe" to quote their ARMY, is definitely not an overrated statement. It has been almost a decade since my fan-gurling has started and in this journey with both the boy bands what I noticed is that, they both had (and BTS still does) haters more than they had supporters at some point of their journey... I couldn't help wonder and admire the drive they had to move forward with literally no goal ahead of them! Like the probability of next live show was a huge question, then talk about the goal to win an award! And BTS has it worse then One D, they were shamed, mocked and silenced ! But they rose up against all the odds.

Being someone who strongly believes in Gender Expressions, Neutrality and Passion, I admire these boys for normalizing a lot of things- from crying on stage to boldly wearing make up! And I really hate it when some imbeciles question their Gender Orientation based on their Gender Expression, when will we ever understand that Gender Orientation is a very private affair? And they are artists, it is high time we admire their art, be happy because of their art, have their art as our companion during our darkest days irrespective of the label we give them based on their color, language and race! 

As much as BTS ARMY is overrated right now, I certainly do not undermine it or mock it because they are the people who has seen their favorite band grow through the struggle. We will never understand how it feels, so it is better if we don't mock them over it! I love both the boy bands and they are very close to my heart because I have a thing for boys who are passionate about what they do !! And also, calling dibs on Zayn from One D since 2013 and Jin from BTS since 2021! From "You don't know you are beautiful" to "My Universe"- thank you for making me believe that I deserve better and that I am beautiful and that I can smile even after crying !! Love you and Saranghae! 

 

Daenerys Targaryen

This is definitely not an eulogy for my most favorite character on Game of Thrones  but a small tribute for the years I have traveled with her(Please don't read this if you haven't seen the final episode yet). Undeniably Season 8 has poor writing as it never satisfied the hunger it gave me from Season 1-7 , but I did cry my heart out to see this character die, I know there is no happily ever after in game of thrones and they made it clear that she will be gone in the end, but still that couldn't stop me from bawling my eyes out. So here's the reason of why I love her the most despite the fact that she is flawed, yet beautiful in her own way.

A beautiful girl with silver hair and violet eyes.
Of all the characters, Daenerys is the one who rose close to my heart because she allowed me to take a lot of learning from her. From being sold (literally losing one's identity) to sitting on the Iron throne, the journey she has been through gave me so much to learn from. Ever since the first scene I had a haunch that this girl is going to be something, the pain in her eyes said it all. She was seen as a mere property or a tool for succession by her brother, she had no say about the decisions of her life. She was a mere puppet in the hands of her so called blood line.

May be we all have to be put through so much dirt only to discover the beautiful flower we have always been, just in her case she is a wild flower. Strong yet vulnerable. I stared to become a fan of this show only after Dany fell in love or should I say ...rose in love with the sun and the stars of her life Khal Drogo. 

And as they say the beauty of good things is that they don't last forever and that's why we yearn it the most. Dark days spun upon this beautiful girl who had just found the love of her life and was so relieved that her life has completely taken shape. She taught me that true love will show yourself to you like a mirror, it will show you what's holding you back, the truth that what has happened could never be undone and most of all, true love will tear your walls and smack you awake. The moment she thought she lost him was the moment she discovered who she is. The mother of Dragons, she realized that it is her destiny to make this world a better place. And there this beautiful girl, Khaleesi and the mother of Dragons starts her journey. 

When you start the journey towards achieving your dreams, you will then know what it takes to be the person you've always wanted to be. You can't expect all the people to believe in your dream and support you no matter how much you convince them, a few  wouldn't believe it just because they are scared to see the truth and the beauty of your dream. Dany's journey wasn't laid in flowers, she had to get her hands drenched in blood and stand strong just to make sure that she can't be crippled to the ground just because she is a girl with the dream. Dragons were both her strength and weakness and how vulnerable can a woman be with no trustworthy people around her?

She was vulnerable, but that doesn't made her to stop and question her dreams, she believed in her destiny and that was more than enough for the universe to love her. We will know when we are moving closer to our dreams because the universe will conspire towards it by bringing us close to those who share the same dream as we do. 

She became "Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”.  

Most of all, she gained a best friend and an adviser whom she trusted with all her might.

Universe will always test the person with the stubborn heart and a huge dream, Daenerys was put through the test of her life , just to see her stumble. Because, they say love is blind for a reason, it blinds you, it eclipses your dream and makes you go weak on the knees, no matter if the whole world has bent its knee for you, you will go weak for that particular person. And there could never be a question of right and wrong, love can never be wrong....can it be?

But like most women, Daenerys Targaryen failed to understand that sometimes the person we want the most isn't the one who deserves us and no amount of love can change that. And what was the price she paid for this undeserving love she yearned for? Her Dragon, Her best friend, Her most loyal soldier and a threat to her dream. And her own people conspiring behind her back with the idea that it should always be a man to rule.

What do you think happens to the person that grew up with insecurities about her identity, who suffered a fate she didn't chose to, who had a dream and is so close to get hold of it just to know that people who she thought has stood by her thinks she's undeserving of living that dream? And most of all, love can wreck a person in a way it could never be repaired. 

I am definitely not justifying her actions but it is understandable of why she has done that. She was denied of love when she wanted the most, she was forced to stand alone when she wanted people around her. Never could I let go of the idea that she was killed in the hands of the person she loved the most, stabbed in the heart that loved him the most. The way her only remaining dragon breathed out fire to burn the IRON THRONE and not burning Jon alive left me wondering if he has loved him as well. Drogon has my heart for proving that it is always safer to love an animal more than a human, for they would never stab you in the heart.

When you play the game of thrones, you either win or you die. It is over now and it does feels different to know that the character I loved the most is dead and that I don't get to see her shout "Dracarys" anymore. But none of it will change the fact the Daenerys Targaryen is and will be one of my most loved fictional characters and my most favorite one in the GAME OF THRONES.