Where do I begin? Ever since I can remember I have been told that I have a sharp tongue and a wit and that I will never be able to fit into the mold that society expects me to. In all honesty, I have been hearing this ever since I started voicing out my views, ideas, and opinions. I cannot deny the fact when I say, this is one of the very few reasons why I was skeptical about making friends, I have always been an object of discussion because they were not able to relate to me and I cannot blame them as I have never been able to relate to them. I remember I was 16 when I first found her, my mom and I saw a movie that was an altered version of her book. Upon my efforts, I found her in my school library in the dustiest sections and got hold of her. Ever since I found her, my life has never been the same and I am eternally grateful that she never stopped writing. Let me give you a hint, the first book I read was 'Pride and Prejudice', if you are someone who has the least interest and knowledge of English Literature and its classics, you know the woman. Jane Austen!
Of all her works 'Pride and Prejudice' is still my favorite because I am more of Elizabeth Bennett than I have been Anne or Emma or Fanny or Catherine. One of the reasons being I can completely relate to her and how I solely believe that "Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony, which is why I will end up an old maid" (😂 it is true). And how I want it to be "you have bewitched me body and soul. I love, love, love you" and not "I love you". some may call it standards but I call it 'love and conviction'. I cannot help but also fall in love with all the classics after I found JA, I love and adore 'Little women', 'Jane Eyre, and almost all the work of Bronte, and words would never suffice to tell how much I love Keats. This is not an ode to these legends, their work is doing the talking and they don't need recognition by an amateur writer like me, but this is another confession of how this woman made me feel less alone and gave me confidence that this 20th-century work failed to do.
If you are a regular reader of this space you know how much of an old soul I am and how my heart screams all things vintage, when I first started reading JA I thought it was my love and yearning for regency and victorian era that made me more attached than I thought it will. But with time, I understood that it is the irony of how what a woman in the 1700s felt and expressed can still be felt and understood and the reliability of it all to a woman living in the 2000s. Don't come at me saying that I am a stark feminist or that we both have some high/unrealistic expectations...because either way, I wouldn't deny it. I am a proud feminist and I have expectations about the man I will fall in love with and get married to and also how it is not your place to have a comment or say in that. No offense though!
We all have opinions and it is a sign of knowledge to the least, as long as we keep the opinions to benefit others and make sure it doesn't become judgemental and takes the best of us- all is well indeed. Coming back to my undying love for this woman...if not for her feministic perspective and the outspoken ability to be her fierce, loving, and sensitive self...I'd never be the person that I am today. Like Captain Wentworth said "I am half agony and half hope", I am both a romantic and a feminist and it really takes a Darcy William to understand this and love someone like me. And the Elizabeth Bennett in me never rushes this, for something this strong cannot be rushed.
If not for her or Bronte or Alcott, I'd be drowning in self-pity and sadness for being single in this millennium. They are my saviors and how everything that is logical, complex, and beautiful about me screams their name and their work. Austen helped me embrace the complicated self that engulfs the hopeless romantic, a bookworm, and a feminist in me without having to shrink myself into the mold that was never made for me in the first place. She gave me the strength to find comfort in my solitude, to write my heart out, and how love will always find its way back home.
Dear Jane Austen,
This heart can contain only a little love, or I thought so. But ever since I found you, my love has been ever-growing and ever-expanding with love and only love. I love you most ardently, your voice gave me the strength to voice out mine and it is your writing that made me read and write and how this is the only way I know I can touch you. I have spent days, weeks, and sometimes even months holding on to your work...they always give me hope and they always told me that the 'ending is always going to be happy and beautiful'. Your existence is something I am most grateful for and your work is something I will take with me to my grave.
"You have bewitched my body and soul...I love, love, love you...most ardently"
-Pranavi J
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