Ever since human civilization has existed, the idea of 'society', and 'community' has been implemented and followed. But why is it that even after 6000 years of this practice, the innate need to be accepted and feel validated by others still intensified? Have you ever thought of it? It doesn't even have to be social acceptance, since childhood we have been conditioned to seek validation for our behavior and even appearances from our kith and kin. And it did not stop there, we call the ones who give us this sense of validation and acceptance as our friends and partners. Yet, we strive so hard to fit into the group that we believe has accepted us for who we are. In retrospect, I believe that we are still run by the 'fear' of being left out from the crowd or 'herd'. Irrespective of the growth we claim to have achieved, humans have this inevitable need to be with each other to 'thrive'. Scary, isn't it?
Why? Because you go on about how you want to be independent and content with just yourself but find yourself wanting to be with someone and you feel bad about it. It made me think that maybe the whole idea behind 'independence' is a paradox that negates the very essence of human behavior. Neuroscientists have been coming up with studies that show how when a human is deprived of social connection or any human interaction, their brain loses the cognitive ability to perform well. Though we won't die from not being with another human, the chances of losing our primitive functions and developing illness are higher. But, is validation a standard for this coping mechanism? Do I want to be validated by others as much as I want to be with someone?
If this is the case, why do we have this constant need to be acknowledged, validated, and accepted by the people we want to be with? From our parents, friends, and co-workers to our partners. In one way or another, we seek their validation for our own emotions and behavior, when there is a difference of opinion on agreeing to something we feel as if our entire life to this very point has been a lie. When deep down, the need for human connection is very primate, reiterating the fact that no matter the evolution, human beings are social animals. The need to be with fellow humans or close to civilization is driven by the fear of being hunted and dying. The need to be with a romantic partner is driven by the urge to procreate and sustain the life form. And the need to be validated arises with the fear of not being able to validate and accept our own self.
Does this mean, the whole human relationship is a paradox? well, I might have rambled about what I think but what I feel is different. I am still a romantic who believes in the concept of 'twin flames' and 'soul mates', but that doesn't deny the truth this paradox holds. Evolution is in favor of a race that has the ability to source its own food and survive on its own, prevents itself from being hunted, and the one that keeps its race going. But even before the concept of 'survival' and 'civilization' came into existence, 'family', 'friendship', and 'love' existed. Leaving us a choice to choose from, do we want to survive and evolve or just 'live'?
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